Your First Time

Drum Roll Please... Trumpets Begin Playing...
You've made it to the edge of the promised land. You are going to score. You are going to get some poonani, some poon tang, some sweeet sweet lovin', some va-jay-jay, ass, p in the va-jee, you will be the iron chef of poundin vagé, you're boning, you're banging, fornicating, copulating, consumating your love, getting laid, baking a sexual cake, splitting the oak, sawing the timber, screwin’ in the lightbulb, making a pubey salad, waxing the car, shining the shoe, taking the train to pound town, knockin' the boots, ridin' the flesh wave, makin' babies, doing the no pants dance, laying the pipe.... You're having sex!

Wait! How'd you get here?

Back up the love train. You found a girl. She's might be a little dim witted. She might have a tramp stamp. May be kind of a slute (rhymes with flute, but its more fun to say than “slut”). She's most likely a hooknasty (see previous blog for this definition). She might wear a little too much makeup but she's no swamp donkey.

And that's a good thing - you're probably going to suck big time your first time and you need a girl that you don't care about too much. Also, this girl has probably done it before and that's going to make things a lot easier for you - that means no hesitation, no whining, complaining, or post-intercourse crying (for you ya big freak). That means you'll suck less which is a good thing because girls have big mouths and you can bet by tomorrow morning Tammy will be telling Suzy that Sally knows that your flesh rocket took off in T-minus 30 seconds in bed and won't that make lunch in the cafeteria awkward tomorrow?

Let's talk about what your pre-game preparation will be...