Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Your Threads

Congrats if the word "threads" means something to you.

Clothes make the man right?... Actually yes. But not the ones you think. I believe that every article of clothing you wear should make some kind of statement about you. Guess what - that Abercrombie Beach Volleyball Team shirt does not say dick about you. Unless you play for the actual A&F beach volleyball team, don't wear this ridiculously pompous piece of crap shirt. It sucks. It says nothing about you and chances are it probably smells bad from all that A&F crap cologne anyway.

If you snowboard, get snowboard shirts. If you play lacrosse or football, represent your favorite teams or wear shirts that say you do these things. If you like music, wear your band's t-shirts. If you suck a life, get a shirt that says “I Love Emo.”

Wear clothes that make people stop and look at them. Find a brand most people don't know about and wear it. A good example is Vestal Watches or Utopia Optics. They make sweet gear for extreme athletes.

Wear clothes that make people laugh or question themselves. Political shirts, funny shirts, and intelligent shirts will start conversation and get you noticed. Check out Those Hollister Polo Shirts will be outdated in a year, trust me. Certain brands scream I AM IN HIGHSCHOOL!!! You will not wear these very long. A&F, Hollister, American Eagle etc are all like this.

Your First Party - Part III

So the night is going well.

Party games.
Learn to play beer pong, flip cup, and some card games before you show up. They'll help you meet and connect with people which will make you have fun.

Don't overdo it.
You can not socially afford to throw up or black out. Let others over-drink for you. There can be a time and place to get crazy, but this is not that time. You are not ready yet! If you are the guy who ruins Suzy Swanson's dress with your vomit, everyone will know it Monday morning. If you break Johhny Football Star's leg when you fall on him, you will get slapped with a lawsuit! If you burn down Jimmy Rich Kid's vintage-sports-car-filled garage - you will go to jail! And Jimmy will not invite you back to his parties. D'oh!

Your First Party - Part II

You are what you drink.
It may be tempting to reach into that cooler and grab a tall frosty Mike's Hard Lemonade. But then again, if Mike's Hard Lemonade is tempting you, then maybe so is slapping Johnny Football Star's ass. The point is, Smirnoff Ice, Mike's, Zima, all these are girl drinks. Don't touch them. Men drink beer. When there is no beer, Men drink Scotch. When the scotch is gone, Men go hunting and pillaging for more beer and scotch. End. Of. Story. No flavored 70 proof "peaches and cream" vodka should ever touch your lips. It's proven to decrease testosterone and semen while leading to feelings of rejection and the desire to talk without making sense. Oh my God! So that's why girls act the way they do when they are drunk!

Your Party Outfit
First of all, if you are calling it your "outfit" you have more problems than deciding what kind of beer to drink. Your clothes say a lot about you, but not nearly as much as marketing majors at Calvin Klein actually want you to think. Instead of investing a lot of money in clothes, invest that money in your body. Ever notice that the models wearing the clothes could make a homeless Mexican's sombrero and siesta blanket look good? You can make a simple tee-shirt look incredible if you are in good shape. No need to go buy a $300 D&G cashmere sweater so Suzy Swanson hooks up with you. Buy a shirt that says something about you! Go To The Gym! Then drink beer and scotch. Then watch hair sprout from your chest!

Friday, December 18, 2009

The return

I took some time off to catch up on career moves.
I'll return with a quick "What I'm listening to"

check out:

Lil Wayne Feat Eminem - Drop the World