Knowledge Basket

Owning Furniture Does Not Make You an Adult

2010-02-25T18:57:00.000-08:00

New Furniture is a waste of money.

If you can answer any of these questions with "Yes" then don't buy new furniture.
-"Do I live in an apartment?"
-"Do I want to move in the next 2 - 5 years?"
-"Am I single?"
-"Do I define myself by things other than what I own?"
-"Do I have less than $25,000 in the bank?"
-"Do I enjoy traveling, drinking alcohol, or generally being fun?"

Get your furniture cheap and used. Until you own a house or own an apartment furniture is just a depreciating asset. Don't ever finance furniture. It's a depreciating asset. It offers you no return on your investment. I was able to get the majority of my furniture off of Craigslist for very little money. I've also been fortunate to have a roommate who owned furniture so I didn't have to go out and buy it. Furniture says nothing about you unless it is antique or you built it yourself. If you do have a chance to purchase furniture that will appreciate in value, this could be a long term, albeit boring, investment.

Guard your Grill

2010-01-08T19:01:00.000-08:00

Congratulations if you own a grill (the one you wear in your mouth). This is an incredible waste of money but I'm sure the amount of respect you command on the mean streets of your high school hallways was worth the purchase. I'm talking about the other kind of grill.

Guard what you say about others.
This may seem like common sense on the surface but it's one of the easiest bits of advice to ignore. High school, your sports teams, work - all of these places are filled with people with big egos and bigger mouths. You probably can think of several people off the top of your head you do not like and enjoying talking negatively about. You need to fight the urge to get caught up in the gossip game.

Don't get caught up in the gossip game.
It's enticing to want to talk poorly about people you don't like. However, you will quickly lose the respect of your peers and all that doo doo (what?) you talked will come back around to haunt you. It is guaranteed if you share your low opinion of someone to someone else, they will go blabbing all over the school. This will quickly catch up to you, leading to social problems in the most brutal social scene of all - high school. If you have a problem with someone, just tell it to their face.

Don't trust anyone in your social circle.
Besides your absolute best friends, and in high school even they are not a guarantee, trust no one in your social circle in high school. Teenagers will constantly sell each other out just for their own benefit of advancement up the social ladder. If you have a secret you don't want anyone to know, you better not tell anyone. In high school, you are at the point of brain development where you are entirely egocentric - the world revolves around you. (Wikipedia this). This means people will do whatever necessary to benefit themselves first, neglecting all other consequences. I had almost every good friend turn on me at one point in high school. This made me question what "good friend" means. Some of those people remain my good friends today. Notice I said almost, that means that a few stayed loyal. Some people are just cut from a better cloth. If you find friends like this, make sure you keep them on your side.

Listen first, speak only when necessary.
You'll begin to notice that the elite of the popular crowds do not run their mouths. They tend to be very guarded with who they trust and what they say. They also tend to be very guarded with how much they talk. This is because these people have learned to be self disciplined. Think of your words as currency. The more you flood the market with currency, the less value it has. If you take the approach of being a listener and speak only when you have intelligent and thought out words to add, your reputation will quickly grow. People will see you as someone they can trust. This is a very good thing.

Keep secrets.
Besides your own secrets, you will learn many secrets throughout high school if you know how to listen. Drunk kids at parties, people with less self-control, stoners, emotional girls, all are great sources of information. Once your reputation has grown, more people will trust you with more information. Keep this information guarded. Information is power and leverage. Once you have enough of it, you can command a lot of control over people. The popular crowd tends to engage in activities that are often illegal and immoral. Information about drugs, money, sex, abortions, thefts, steriods, cheating, etc will be entrusted to you. Use this to your advantage when necessary. Just remember, all those people who like to talk trash about other people to you are probably saying the same things about you behind your back. It's just the nature of the beast in high school.

Your Threads

2009-12-23T19:13:00.000-08:00

Congrats if the word "threads" means something to you.

Clothes make the man right?... Actually yes. But not the ones you think. I believe that every article of clothing you wear should make some kind of statement about you. Guess what - that Abercrombie Beach Volleyball Team shirt does not say dick about you. Unless you play for the actual A&F beach volleyball team, don't wear this ridiculously pompous piece of crap shirt. It sucks. It says nothing about you and chances are it probably smells bad from all that A&F crap cologne anyway.

If you snowboard, get snowboard shirts. If you play lacrosse or football, represent your favorite teams or wear shirts that say you do these things. If you like music, wear your band's t-shirts. If you suck a life, get a shirt that says “I Love Emo.”

Wear clothes that make people stop and look at them. Find a brand most people don't know about and wear it. A good example is Vestal Watches or Utopia Optics. They make sweet gear for extreme athletes.

Wear clothes that make people laugh or question themselves. Political shirts, funny shirts, and intelligent shirts will start conversation and get you noticed. Check out BustedTees.com. Those Hollister Polo Shirts will be outdated in a year, trust me. Certain brands scream I AM IN HIGHSCHOOL!!! You will not wear these very long. A&F, Hollister, American Eagle etc are all like this.

Your First Party - Part III

2009-12-23T19:09:00.000-08:00

So the night is going well.

Party games.
Learn to play beer pong, flip cup, and some card games before you show up. They'll help you meet and connect with people which will make you have fun.

Don't overdo it.
You can not socially afford to throw up or black out. Let others over-drink for you. There can be a time and place to get crazy, but this is not that time. You are not ready yet! If you are the guy who ruins Suzy Swanson's dress with your vomit, everyone will know it Monday morning. If you break Johhny Football Star's leg when you fall on him, you will get slapped with a lawsuit! If you burn down Jimmy Rich Kid's vintage-sports-car-filled garage - you will go to jail! And Jimmy will not invite you back to his parties. D'oh!

Your First Party - Part II

2009-12-23T18:57:00.000-08:00

You are what you drink.
It may be tempting to reach into that cooler and grab a tall frosty Mike's Hard Lemonade. But then again, if Mike's Hard Lemonade is tempting you, then maybe so is slapping Johnny Football Star's ass. The point is, Smirnoff Ice, Mike's, Zima, all these are girl drinks. Don't touch them. Men drink beer. When there is no beer, Men drink Scotch. When the scotch is gone, Men go hunting and pillaging for more beer and scotch. End. Of. Story. No flavored 70 proof "peaches and cream" vodka should ever touch your lips. It's proven to decrease testosterone and semen while leading to feelings of rejection and the desire to talk without making sense. Oh my God! So that's why girls act the way they do when they are drunk!

Your Party Outfit
First of all, if you are calling it your "outfit" you have more problems than deciding what kind of beer to drink. Your clothes say a lot about you, but not nearly as much as marketing majors at Calvin Klein actually want you to think. Instead of investing a lot of money in clothes, invest that money in your body. Ever notice that the models wearing the clothes could make a homeless Mexican's sombrero and siesta blanket look good? You can make a simple tee-shirt look incredible if you are in good shape. No need to go buy a $300 D&G cashmere sweater so Suzy Swanson hooks up with you. Buy a shirt that says something about you! Go To The Gym! Then drink beer and scotch. Then watch hair sprout from your chest!

The return

2009-12-18T18:05:00.001-08:00

I took some time off to catch up on career moves.
I'll return with a quick "What I'm listening to"

check out:

Lil Wayne Feat Eminem - Drop the World

A car (part 2)

2009-01-28T07:37:00.000-08:00

Part 2 - Your post college years.

When you graduate - you may be tempted to go buy or lease an expensive car.

Don't do this.

Several reasons.

1.) Having a car ties you down. When you are young (22-39), you will want to be able to pick up and move around at any time. Your friends will move around. You may meet different girls in different cities. Owning an expensive car will lock you into debt and will be hard to sell.

2.) After college, girls care less about cars and more about where you live and what you do. Most girls you meet will be successful and not as impressed by a flashy car just yet. Unless its very flashy (ie porsche, ferrari, etc), and then you probably don't need to read this blog anyway.

3.) When you are 22 - 28, you have to start saving for a house and retirement. If you don't understand the concept of compounding interest, then google it and understand that is where you make all your savings work. Don't throw money at an expensive car. Not yet. Wait until your budget is settled. Things can change dramatically when you are young.

4.) Freedom. Pure and simple, the less bills you have, the more freedom you have and you can move around and enjoy life more. You can change careers or take time off for extended months.

5.) Buy a car you can pay off in 3 years. That means you are looking for something around $14 - 16,000.

What's in a Car

2009-01-28T07:03:00.000-08:00

Today is a snow day in the northeast.
In that spirit, I'll talk about the reason why half of you are sitting at home, sipping on some coffee and khalua.

What's in a car?

We'll start in high school.

In the land of suburbia, a car means freedom. If you're lucky enough to have your parents buy you a car, pat your lazy ass on the back and keep telling yourself you've earned it by earning those B's on your report card and making the JV basketball squad. What are you looking for in a car?

I'll throw out my recommendations and things to consider:

-Fuel Economy - fuel's likely to remain relatively cheap for the next few years as we deal with this global recession. But after that, you don't want to be paying $4.50 a gallon for a guzzler. That means avoid the big monsters like the older Suburbans, Explorers, etc.

-Off-road Capability - if you live anywhere it gets muddy, snowy, or congested with traffic (you do), off-road capability rocks. Look at Jeep Wranglers. Reasons: You can get anywhere in the snow. You can take it to tailgates in muddy fields (think ahead to college), you can take it camping, you can take it to the beach, you can take it to the mountains to ride. Bottom line, look at cars and trucks that get you anywhere at anytime. Being stuck in the snow is lame. You want be able to take advantage of that hot chick all alone at home on those snow days.
Other suggestions: Subarus, Audis, Jeeps

-Insurance - if you're paying for this, don't get crazy with your vehicle. When you are young, chances are you are going to get into an accident and insurance will go up. It will probably not be your fault, but smashing up your new Lexus GS is a waste of a car that shouldn't be owned by you until you're 27+.

-Automatic vs Standard - Dudes, if you can't drive stick, you have a problem. Large trucks are stick. Motorcycles, dirt-bikes, and real sports cars are manuals. If you own a "sports car" and its automatic, you are a GIRL. If you get a car, get stick. If you get a truck and it doesn't come in stick, check to be sure you have a pair, then reconsider if you can find a similar truck in stick. Don't be the laughing stock of the construction crew you work on one summer when you try to back up the dump truck and you have to get out and cry that you can't move it.

-Bottom Line
In high school, two things in cars rule: Looks and Fun. Girls like fast cars that look good. It's an instant turn on. You will see some crusty looking dudes with nice cars getting some fine ass. The fun factor is the second part. In high school and life, you gotta be the one who makes things happen. If you have a vehicle you can take anywhere and beat up and have fun in, you'll be the one controlling the action. Be sure you consider your goals heavily before "investing" in a vehicle. Wait - I know what you are saying. Investing is not possible because its a depreciating asset. You are investing in yourself, your image, your life experiences, not an asset.

What I'm Listening To

2009-01-28T07:00:00.000-08:00

Check out Blue October - Dirt Room
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80gzdJddj94

Check out Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2YnDlEMXiU

Word of the day!

2008-12-30T09:13:00.000-08:00

Alert! "Fresh" has taken on new meaning.

Fresh

Pronunciation:
\ˈfresh\
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Middle English, from Anglo-French fresch, freis, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German frisc fresh; akin to Old English fersc fresh
Date:
13th century

Fresh - ready to go, ready to rock & roll, ready to shred

Ex:
"Yo, call me when you're fresh so we can hit the road."
"I'm fresh"
"Yes sir, I have those reports you asked for and they are fresh."
"Yo dude, I was with this babe last night, things we're going well, she was so fresh."

Your First Party

2008-12-29T20:20:00.000-08:00

You've made it to your first big party.

How'd you get here? Maybe that wealthy preppie kid a town over is throwing a rager or maybe you finally got in with the guy whose swinger parents skip town every weekend to mix it up in el Caribe with the natives. Doesn't matter. You're first party can make or break you as a person in high school. You need to be prepared.

Pre-Party Planning
Have a good cover story. Also, you need to invest in a sober driver or be able and willing to walk back from this party on your own two feet. You have no idea what could happen at this party, so don't count on staying over - have a backup plan in place. Driving after drinking is not a backup plan. My lawyers tell me that I can not endorse driving under the influence, so don't do it. The fines and medical bills will put you in a financial hole the rest of your life (that means you will not live the dream and you fail at life). Have fun working at Walgreens!

First Step

Before you even consider going to any party – know your tolerance. Alcohol affects everyone in different ways – if you tend to be sloppy when you drink, you better be aware of this and know how to compensate for it. (That means you need to drink at least once before you go to your first big party Einstein.)

Odds and Ends
Never be without a few key items.
-A lighter
-Cigarettes (does not matter if you smoke or not)
-Cell phone & car charger
-Shot glass
-Gum
-Condom
-Bottle opener
-Knowledge of good music

-Knowledge of drinking games

These items are the most asked for items at parties. They can help start conversation; it's a good social networking tool. This way, if Johnny Football Star comes up and can't open his beer, you can help him out while simultaneously gaining style points for being prepared and winking at Suzy “party favor” Swanson.

Arriving
Try to bring something to the party that distinguishes you. When I worked in the kitchen of a female prep school, we'd make hot wings every Friday night before we left. At whatever party we decided was the best for the night, we'd bring the wings to the drunk kids. Instant drinks and bong hits for us. Try bringing some kind of different micro-brewery beer, a funnel (beer bong whatever), expensive liquor, or maybe have ping pongs balls with you. The point is to make a statement.

To be rich, you must live richly

2008-12-22T19:45:00.000-08:00

So let’s get back to basics for a blog. One of the main reasons I write is to help my readers get the most out of life. With that comes money. So you want to be rich? Doesn’t everyone.

Why do you want to be rich?

Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy a lot of other cool shit. But that’s not the point. Being a consumivore (as opposed to carnivore, herbivore, omnivore, Al-Gore) is not what brings happiness. Money brings freedom. With money, you don’t have to show up for work Monday morning. You don’t have to skip out on the trip to Vegas this month. No one is calling you, hounding you to pay off that high interest rate credit card. No one sends you bills. You are free.

Freedom is happiness.

How do you get rich?

My very successful, Italian entrepreneurial friend from college once told me, “Jackson if you want to be rich, you have to live richly. Live like you are rich.”

50% of you reading this statement will immediately have an adverse reaction to this statement. “That won’t work!” you say. You can’t go spending money you don’t have, going into debt, living richly.

No shit.

His point was, you must invest in yourself. You must have things in common with those who are successful. Believe it or not, you vast knowledge of the Sony Playstation system will not advance you up the corporate ladder. Rich people do rich things. They boat, go to the shore, ski at mountain resorts, play recreational sports like golf, tennis, etc, and are well-traveled. When you are young, you can’t do all of this. But you can set yourself up for success. Don’t count on your parents to do this for you. In order to have things in common with rich people, start young. You’ll find the things they do are actually very fun and you’ll always have a conversation starter.

Take golf lessons. Learn to ski. Take a foreign language course and try to get a trip abroad to Europe once. Learn to swim. Eat seafood. Read one deep novel and have a good quote from it. You’ll be surprised how easy it will be to talk to the big-wigs in your area. This will open doors. The next step – go through them the right way.

Sex: The Don'ts

2008-12-02T18:50:00.001-08:00

What Not to Do...

1.) Resist the urge to mutter all of those clever phrases that are coming into your head while you're boning... Believe it or not "I have a robot dick!" and "Me so horny", or "You taste like corn" will not turn the girl on. It's her job to make noise and you're job to just make it happen. If you do have to talk, just ask short simple questions that involve answers that make her say "Yeah! YeahYeahYeah!"

2.) Other potential mood killers - you haven't showered or tidied up down there. That means shave or trim and if you're a chronic sweater, try some Gold Bond medicated powder. It works wonders for your boys.

3.) Resist the urge to bring lube for your four inch virgin penis. These girls are ready to go. KY Jelly says "I put waaaayyy too much thought into this and I'm really creepy, still wanna touch me?" Game over. Thanks SuperBad.

4.) This is the biggest one. Do not under any circumstance say "I love you." This is huge. This will completely freak the girl out. She'll think you want to get married and impregnate her. She'll lose all respect for you as a man. Saying I love you is like saying "I'm super desperate and you are the only girl that would sleep with me." If a girl makes you say it to have sex with her - walk away. That means the girl is legally insane and no amount of pussy is worth the price she will make you pay with her craziness. Get up, go home, rub one out, whatever, do not shack up with this blood-sucker!

So now you're here...
Just remember every girl is different. Some girls are freaks in bed and it's easy. Other girls are self-conscious or insecure. Try to find a girl that is confident being naked, they are the most fun. Also, some girls are not orgasmic. It doesn't matter how many ways you stick it to some girls, the sex will not be good. So keep an open mind. Speaking from experience, some girls will click with you and you will literally go hours with them. Other girls will just not click with you and it won't be that great no matter what you try.

Oh, and the key to lasting hours? Experience helps, but really it's a mental thing starting out. You gotta keep your mind focused on lasting, not blasting. Find something to think about during sex. I had one friend who swore by old ladies and toilet seats. I always found if I ran through a list of items, like what I had to do the next day or thought about sports, I had no problem lasting. This will eventually not be necessary, it will just come naturally for most. Some girls are naturally tighter too, so it never hurts to have this technique mastered.

When you're finished...

Smoke a cigarette, send some text messages, have a glass of anti-oxidant rich green tea, whatever you need. Check the condom to make sure it's intact. Now go ahead and brag to all your boys about how you were freaking king kong in the bedroom. You earned it.

Your First Time: The DOs

2008-12-02T18:35:00.000-08:00

The Do's...

Before you cross this great divide (I’m talking metaphorically, not anatomically), preparation is in order if you want to make it to the next round of bone-olympics. Much like the Patriots are (were) the best prepared NFL team week in and week out, so should you be the best prepared jockey playing the field. Here goes.

1.) Watch some porno - this will give you an idea of cool positions, good techniques and great facial expressions you can make (joking), it's like an online training session all for you - but you should probably hold on off the advanced manuevers until at least a few go arounds (ie the uber-facials, the dirty sanchez, yoga bone, etc.)

2.) Have your signature condom - get comfortable with your latex friend, know how to use him, what size, shape, color and flavor you like (you weirdo). You do not want to be fumbling for your jimmy in the dark and end up killing the moment. And don't get cocky and not strap one on, you must wear one, it's standard operating procedure, you don't want kids or whatever bed bugs your booty call happens to have. Just imagine how easy it will be picking ladies up at the park, with your two year old son in tow – wear an effin’ condom!

3.) Get over your jitters... this might mean having a few drinks beforehand or whatever, something to ease those pre-bone butterflies. I wouldn’t suggest smoking weed, taking painkillers, or doing in excess of 350 pushups – all will diminish the blood flow to that important area.

4.) Have a good spot picked out - This does not mean your basement at 5:00 PM on a Wednesday. Find a time and place when no one can hear you or her (and if you're the one screaming, you've got more problems than I want to write about.)

Your First Time

2008-12-01T18:18:00.000-08:00

Drum Roll Please... Trumpets Begin Playing...
You've made it to the edge of the promised land. You are going to score. You are going to get some poonani, some poon tang, some sweeet sweet lovin', some va-jay-jay, ass, p in the va-jee, you will be the iron chef of poundin vagé, you're boning, you're banging, fornicating, copulating, consumating your love, getting laid, baking a sexual cake, splitting the oak, sawing the timber, screwin’ in the lightbulb, making a pubey salad, waxing the car, shining the shoe, taking the train to pound town, knockin' the boots, ridin' the flesh wave, makin' babies, doing the no pants dance, laying the pipe.... You're having sex!

Wait! How'd you get here?

Back up the love train. You found a girl. She's might be a little dim witted. She might have a tramp stamp. May be kind of a slute (rhymes with flute, but its more fun to say than “slut”). She's most likely a hooknasty (see previous blog for this definition). She might wear a little too much makeup but she's no swamp donkey.

And that's a good thing - you're probably going to suck big time your first time and you need a girl that you don't care about too much. Also, this girl has probably done it before and that's going to make things a lot easier for you - that means no hesitation, no whining, complaining, or post-intercourse crying (for you ya big freak). That means you'll suck less which is a good thing because girls have big mouths and you can bet by tomorrow morning Tammy will be telling Suzy that Sally knows that your flesh rocket took off in T-minus 30 seconds in bed and won't that make lunch in the cafeteria awkward tomorrow?

Let's talk about what your pre-game preparation will be...

Thinking Like a Virgin

2008-12-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

Listen up!
It's time to lose your V card. You've had it. You're fed up with all your friends talking about how they are shacking up with everything under the sun and your still shacking up with Miss July from Volume XXVI Issue 19 and a box of tissues. Lame. You have one big problem - you're still thinking like a virgin.

Thinking Like a Virgin will NOT get you Laid
Hold up, why not? I mean, if I think like a virgin that means I'm always trying to hook up with a girl right? Wrong - your mindset is totally messed up. Half the battle of getting laid, unless you were given the genetics of Brad Pitt, is getting your mind right. I bet you know a few ugly looking kids who are shagging some fine looking girls. They got it right.

Problem #1 - You're wearing a cologne called Desperation
You wreak of desperation when you're a virgin and girls know it. You gotta play it cool with the ladies, like it's a privilege for them to be talking to you and not the other way around. Exude confidence. The virgin mentality will make you nervous and jittery and girls will smell inexperience and doubt. Act like you've been boning for years. You are King Dick, ruler of the Kingdom of Copulation (look this word up if you don't know what it means 7th graders).

Problem #2 - You're pursuing the wrong girl(s)
You looking for a nice, kind, inexperienced girl to take home to introduce to your parents. Wrong, this won't get you laid either. You are Knight Dick. How does Knight Dick become King Dick? He first slays Whorezilla. You need to target the hooknasties. These sorority-girls-in-the-making are perfect to knock the Uggs with your first time. You know who I am talking about. The bleached-blonde fake-tanned cock goblins who wear their bug-eyed D&G sunglasses and A&F turtle necks in the hallways to cover up their hang-overs and hickeys. They tend to be holding a StarBucks Coffee and fiending for a cigarette. That's another piece of advice - always carry an extra pack of cigs even if you don't smoke. I could name several of my friends who've gotten BJs just because a hooknasty needed her nicotine fix at a late night party and was desperate enough.

Problem #3 - You're being too nice
Don't be a nice guy... Virgins tend to be nice guys. You are King Dick for several reasons. 1 is that you are always using your manrod to slay whorezillas. 2 is because you are so calm, cool and detached, girls think you don't care about them and you are a dickhead in their eyes. This is good - girls want what they can't have. Always! If you are a virgin, you're too available. You have no appeal to many of the girls you're looking to bake a sexual cake with. Once girls see you have some experience, they will see other girls are into you, and Boom - your level of desirability goes up. You've leapt from Steve Urkel to Nick Carter. Hooray!

Problem #4 – You’re not sure if you are going to be good at sex

You’re not confident that you really are King Dick. Because of this, you don’t say or do those cocky things that non-virgins do. Guess what?? You’re probably going to suck your first time. But that’s fine. Most girls don’t know what to expect the first time either. The point is – ACT like you are going to be amazing. Half of sex is the mental aspect anyway. Now go sharpen that sword. (What does he mean by that??)

The FRIEND ZONE

2008-11-30T20:28:00.000-08:00

I'll kick these lessons off with something easy that most guys will know about. If you've heard the term “The Friend Zone” before, you know it is a trap. It's a trap many guys will unknowingly fall into with a girl they want to hook up with. Once you enter this zone with the girl, you may not be able to get out of it which will doom you to a fate of the dreaded platonic relationship otherwise known as you ain't hittin’ that and you now have a major case of something called chronic blueballs-itis.

How do I know if I’m in the zone?

If you’re in the zone, you’ll hit every jump shot you take. If you’re in the friend zone, you won’t be putting your balls in any baskets.

You probably know a hottie and are convinced she wants your manrod in or around her mouth. You think it’s just going to take some time and game spitting before you give her a one way ticket to Pound Town and show her who the mayor is (that’s you chief). Problem was you aren’t even at the train station, and if you had been you would have unknowingly just purchased a one way fare to Blue Balls Lagoon instead of Bone City.

Warning Signs
#1 – The girl has a boyfriend and complains to you about him. If a girl complains to you about "Oh my god Jim is such a dickhead Oh My God he is such a dick... yada yada" you have to walk away immediately. Just leave. NewsFlash, girls like dickheads, they want what they can't have, and the more they can’t have it, they want it. If you're in this situation you better start ignoring this girl, blow her off from time to time, flirt with other girls, do anything to make this girl realize you actually have a pair (a pair of balls genius, not a pair of ears – of course she knows you have ears, she can see them and she’s abusing them isn’t she?)

#2 – She wants to go on day dates, get help with her homework, etc.
Don’t go on day dates, ever. If you haven’t hooked up with this girl, a day date is like self-inflicted castration. No doubt you’ll end up at the nearest Starbucks where she’ll quiz you on your knowledge of The Hills and how they manage to hide the true size of Kim Kardashian’s ass on MTV.

#3 –She wants to set you up with a friend, or wants to be set up with one of your friends.

Get out, just get out. This girl is a vampire, she’s just trying to get the attention she doesn’t get from those guys she really likes from you. Problem is, you might think you care about this girl.

Don't let girls know you care about them and if you can help it (ie you have a penis) don't actually let yourself care about them. The less you give a shit, the more likely you are to turn them on because they see they can't own you or control you and that drives girls crazy.

Lesson/Take Away
Don't be the nice guy if you want to get with this girl. If a girl describes you to her friends as "oh but he's so nice" you have a big problem. Don't ever ever listen to a girl's problems - it's the job of their girlfriends, tissue boxes, diet pills, and credit cards to listen to that bullshit, not you.

One last thing

2008-11-30T20:26:00.000-08:00

Why should you bother listening to me any way?

I'll tell you why. I don't care about your opinion of me, just like you don't care about my opinion of you. So with that said, I’ll give you my biased view of how life works and what you should do to get the most out of it.

Where I was (read: boring Background info)

I didn’t fit in one crowd in highschool - probably because every year I was maturing and changing my lifestyle. This allowed me to develop relationships with all types of people. I've had friends that scored perfectly on their SATs and friends who dropped out of high school and got their girlfriends pregnant. I've had friends who lead their church youth groups and friends who have tripped on acid. I've had friends who've sold drugs then gone to prison and friends that have overdosed on synthetic drugs and are no longer with us. All of these relationships have shaped my life and I have learned something from each of these people.

Where I'm at (aka The Present)
College is over but the learning is not. I am now working in the corporate financial world in my chosen field of study. I'm still young, but I've already learned many lessons which I will pass on. One thing I will say now is, if you think that popularity contests end after high school - you are dead wrong. The corporate world is another popularity contest, only with much higher stakes. I hope to navigate this world and end up on top one day. So the advice I'll be giving you is the advice I'll be heeding myself. Hindsight is 20/20 so enjoy this opportunity to learn before you get thrown into the fire.

Why did I start this?

2008-11-30T19:39:00.000-08:00

Where am I coming from?

I grew up in mid-sized suburban town in the Northeast. My parents were very conservative and at the time I found it very difficult to approach them for advice on anything. I didn't stay home very much. I found every excuse possible to leave my house to try to find what more life had to offer.

Looking back, I wanted someone to just tell me how life worked - the keys to being popular and successful, how to win friends and influence people, how college worked, what kinds of jobs afford a great lifestyle, how the corporate world works and of course advice about women. I didn't have that luxury. So now I am writing this.

What's my goal with this blog?

It's simple - give you advice that I never had.
Advice about sex, drinking, sports, school, careers, drugs, girls, college, clothing, attitude, career paths, you name it.

Talking with my parents about these topics was not an option. I actually tried to find some answers to my questions on the internet, but there was no good place to look. I'm sure many of you fall into this category, searching for answers, and that is why I am writing.

What do I have to offer?

Experience. Plain and simple - I've already been through everything you are going through. I'll tell it the way I saw it. I’ll tell you the things I wish I had done, the things I’m glad I did, and the things I would advise never doing while your growing up.

Through my high school and college years I hung out with everyone - The smart kids, the rich kids, the stoners, the rednecks, the jocks, the surf-bums, the drinkers, the meat heads, the wanna-be thugs, the coke heads, the guidos, the real thugs, the easy girls, the prudes and the people everywhere in between.

Don't take everything I say here as gospel. My thoughts and opinions are flawed, just like everyone else's. Learn to read this and make your own informed decisions.

Who am I?

2008-11-30T19:27:00.000-08:00

I was 16 years old and I was standing in the District Attorney’s court room. I was staring at him, nervously wondering how he was going to judge the criminal offense I had just committed.

He was staring back at me rather disdainfully until he finally asked, “Son, what one advantage do you have over me?”

Standing there in dimly lit court room that smelled vaguely of urine, I could only think of the most obvious things – more hair and a higher sperm count.

I could see no advantage I had over this well-respected community leader who held a fancy law degree and an AARP card who would decide my fate, regardless of whatever witty retort I could muster.

As the title states, this is a guide to how life works. Parents, teachers and siblings will give advice on what to do with your life. This guide is not that kind of advice. This guide is for all the questions you don't want to ask your parents, teachers or friends or the ones wouldn't think to ask.

Teenage through college years are a wild ride for everyone. This is the time in your life that will define the rest of your life. You will establish your identity and the decisions you make during these times will determine where you are at when you’re looking for your first real job, deciding to get married, and about ready to retire (that means the rest of your life kids.)

It took me a minute, but then it hit me.

“Time. I have more time than you.”

He looked startled.

“That’s right,” he said, “and you have time to learn from your mistakes, like the one you just made.”

The purpose of this guide is simple. I’m going to share the advice with you I wish I had when I was going through high school and college. I’ll also share the advice I’m learning now in the corporate world.

This guide is for all - from the pimple faced brainiac to the super jock to every man in between. This guide will tell you about sex, women, drinking, partying, sports, cars, lies, money, drugs, rock & roll, technology, college, popularity contests and whatever else I feel like sharing.

You want to know why that hot girl in your algebra class doesn’t know you exist - keep reading. You’re wondering just how much your high school teachers really know about career advice - keep reading. If you’ve ever wanted to have someone look back at their life and say to you “these are the things you’re going to wish you did, but now it’s too late”, keep reading.

Life - Recycled

2008-11-30T19:12:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Knowledge Basket. Life's experiences, recycled.

Read on and learn.